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Directed by @DrWooArt
produced by Andreea Pavel & Jesse Boykins III
Actors: Alani C. Oceania, Dinah D Kouyaté-Diallo, Jesse Boykins III

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swallow this bitches

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… our generation.

I am interviewing my generation as to how they feel about being part of our generation. This dude is from New Jersey and he is 18.

“I feel as if I’m the shit & just shit, beautiful & ugly, friend & foe, vibrant & bland. I have moments of reckoning when I feel like I know I can be great if I just tried, but then I have to come back to the bullshit we (excluding me) call life & I just try to escape that. I think profoundly on trivial bullshit like what ifs or how comes instead of actually changing my reality. Peers always tell me I’m so awesome yada yada or give me praise but they don’t live my life nor do they see what I see. Only what I allow them to & because of that, I feel as if they’re opinions are miscontrued. I feel like no one really knows me & no one ever really will because to know me means someone would actually have a piece of me or be a part of me & that’s way too much power than what I’m willing to give. I feel like a King living a slaves life. Like Jesus maybe. I feel like I never really had my own life. It was always my dads, if that makes any sense. My life was his & he thought it was his to control. I think different but fuck it.

As a part of our generation, I feel isolated & not because I’m a loser or I don’t have friends or girls don’t like me, but because I dont belong. People are so transparent & fake & whack. Doing extra shit for nothing. Hardly anyone is who they want to be truthfully. People forever worry about what other people think of them & I do admit, every once in a while I do the same, but only if it’s from a woman I look up to. I’m tired of writing about how I feel so yea.”

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It didn’t take me many years of psychoanalysis, never needed to teach psychology, yeah okay I occassionally worked as a therapist, but after taking drugs for many years, mind-travelled to India, being a yogi, having a guru, meditating for x years now – as far as I can see I haven’t gotten rid of one neurosis. Not one. The only thing that has changed is that while before these neuroses were huge monsters that possessed me, now they’re like little shmoos that I invite over for tea. I say, “Oh, sexual perversity! Haven’t seen you in weeks!” They’re sort of my style now.
When your neuroses become your style, you’ve got it made. Everybody has a personality composed of neurotic patterns. I’ve given up thinking I’ve got to go through the eye of the needle and become psychologically sound. I’m always going to be a mess! At bottom, it’s uninteresting and unimportant. That’s part of the shift that occurs with spiritual practice. As things become less important, they become more available to change.”

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