Just like any other economic, social, or political notion, feminism has had plenty of connotations with times;  and just like any other movement, it can be scrutinized through manifold lenses.  All these implication get women confused as to whether they even want to be associated with it.

To me the thought of who or what is  feminist raises questions like  ‘am I a default feminist by simply sticking to a path of independence and strong-mindedness? Does it require a constant conscious pro-woman attitude? Can you really draw important conclusions based on scrutiny of a group that in some cases is as diverse as man and woman.. Or is it more about a certain pride of being part of a group that has struggled and may still be subject to certain unfairness…

What strikes me in today’s culture (American specifically) is that it is much harder to consider yourself  part of a movement that has advanced so much already. In a culture where woman have progressed more than any other group and in a decade where plenty of glass ceilings have been broken, at the least, the notion of “Let’s fight patriarchy!” is becoming cliche.

Maybe it would be easier to relate to the notion of feminism if the implications were less about the faults of man or how we are ‘different but the same’ and instead, about the chemistry between women and their individual accounts on related issues. Feminism is just as much about our individual standings within our sex than it is with the outside sex.  It is more important for women to understand each other and ourselves then to be understood by men. On that note I’d like to quote a few paragraphs written by an acclaimed lesbian, feminist, poet, writer, and activist of the 60’s and 70s, Adrienne Rich. The following are  parts of an essay titled “Women and Honor: Some notes on lying” written by her in 1975. In it she criticizes the deceptions women sometimes practice on each other and on themselves. While the era it was written in is bygone, the message still holds relevance to today’s culture.

continued after the jump.. Read more »

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We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going cold..the first rehearsal for life is life itself” – Albert Camus (“A happy death”)

Lately  there’s a lot of heartbreak going around in my circle..

Couples  separating and non couples opting out of  vague relationships…I’m surrounded by people who are hurt, confused and who yearn for an explanation. This is not one.

Sometimes it seems obvious that a man/woman is simply not right for a friend. Then when the break-up happens the first phrase that comes to mind is “told you so” – three words nobody likes to hear…and for a reason. We’ve been there ourselves; what started as a sexual fling turned into an emotional roller-coaster…bla bla bla.

Let’s call them “crimes of passion” – actions that are guided by mysterious chemical or hormonal agents, which in hindsight might seem mistakes but were truly enjoyable at the moment.  Sometimes we realize this early on, but more often than not by the time we keep telling ourselves “stop liking him/her it will end up painful” we are in too deep. High on oxytocin we are now on  a joy ride going full speed…

Enter best friend:

“Girl what are you doing!?? don’t you see he’s a dick!, you deserve much better!”. Usually this is pointless..if it was this easy we would save ourselves some time.  In my experience these types of relationships usually run their course until one person simply can’t take it anymore.

Now the question becomes, are futile relationships or affairs preventable or are they simply inevitable experiences one  needs to learn  from?

On one hand  we get plenty of warnings and signs; apparent traits in people we know we should stay away from. This may be true, but we don’t act on those.  It is impossible to  change your taste in the opposite sex without changing your habits, views, and intentions first – changes that usually come with growth and aging.

As it turns out, by the time we get to our late twenties or early thirties and find ourselves still single, our standards have changed and we lose vulnerability as we begin to mistrust more easily.  Good or bad, it’s part of  life and it’s human frailty. It’s just too bad that often by the time we find that perfect someone we hold back because all the cold acting has taken a toll on us.

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